3 Ways Miscarriages Changed My Marriage


How our miscarriages changed our marriageIt taught us how to stand up for each other

Miscarriages are one of the most isolating experiences. Nobody hurts like you will as parents. There are days when it feels like it is you against the world. Sometimes it is. You don’t always have the strength alone to speak up.

We have to protect each other.

Friends, family, the random stranger at the grocery store. Intentionally or not, they’re going to say something, do something that crosses your line. You need to be able to call in for backup.

It brought out the worst in us 

It’s almost midnight. You’re awake, in pain. Bleeding. Just the day before you saw your sweet baby alive and well, but you know they’re already gone. You can barely breathe for crying. It feels like the whole world has been ripped out from under you. That was my limit. That was my lowest point.  I was angry, I was exhausted, I was hurting.

He was with me the entire time. 

Through the literal blood, sweat, and tears, through the pain; we’ve been there for each other no matter what. We’ve seen the dirty, hidden side of each other. The jealousy, anger, ugliness that comes with the territory. This is what you meant by through sickness and health. The storms only make the sun sweeter.

It made us parents

Making a child doesn’t make you a parent. There’s people who procreated, kept the kid alive long enough for them to be independent, and never became a parent. Taking care of a child doesn’t make you a parent. I worked on and off in childcare for half of my life. I’ve held a sick baby for the longest just so they could get some rest. I’ve wiped tears. I’ve cleaned up throw up. I’ve seen first steps and first words. None of that made me a mother.

But I’ll tell you what did.

The moment I saw those two lines for the very first time. It hit me. Love. Waves of love. I would have died for my child then and there. I didn’t need to meet them. I didn’t need to know who they would be or what they would accomplish. That was my baby, my child. The one we had dreamed about, prayed for. It isn’t the same moment for everyone, but for us, it was immediate.

11 thoughts on “3 Ways Miscarriages Changed My Marriage

  1. Oh my goodness. This hit so close to home. My husband and I went through 3 miscarriages and those loses truly brought us closer together. This is a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing something so personal.

  2. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost 4. Miscarriages can hurt a marriage. Each person suffers differently and if there isn’t communication, it can tear a couple apart. Glad you had each other.

  3. I’ll add my condolences, as well, for your loss. I am so sorry! I can only say that we had at least one difficult pregnancy that lead to many fears, but we have never suffered the sadness your family has. I find it commendable that you have come out of this together and strong, that you are able to share and hopefully positively affect those who may have experienced the same or similar circumstances.

  4. Sorry for your loss. I went through a miscarriage and my partner was overseas on a business trip. I felt sadness, anger and an overwhelming grief, but as a couple we grew stronger and we tried again.

  5. I am so sorry for your loss. But thank you so much for posting this and sharing your opinion with everyone. Your vulnerability makes this post beautiful. Thank you <3

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