It’s been a while, I know.
In February when we got that positive test, I could feel it setting in. Happiness. Along with it came something I never expected. My ability to write was essentially paralyzed. During the next two months, I spent hours sitting at the computer trying to string words together. Increasingly I had less and less to show for the time I was putting in.
I was terrified to open up about our life.
What if I jinxed us? Even more of a fear was having memories of how happy I was. I couldn’t, I still can’t, know the outcome. If something were to happen, I couldn’t bear the thought of having those moments out there permanently. Being able to go back and read my own words and think, I had no idea.
Writing forces you to examine the impermanence of it all.
Every moment is merely that, a moment. We walk through different seasons in our life with no idea where we are going or when we will arrive. When I write about the pain of losing our babies, of not knowing if we will ever hold one in our arms, it’s comforting. The prospect of giving hope to others and being able to say, look how far I came, is so much more valuable than the fear of looking back and saying, look how far I fell.
So what should you expect?
I’m back, and I plan to stay. You can look forward to more content and updates on our life. Over the next few weeks I am going to flesh out a schedule that works for me, and from then on posts will come at regular intervals. Be on the lookout for updates about how this pregnancy is going, dealing with the emotions of Button’s upcoming due date, and maybe even some DIY posts!