I am so sorry. Big deal, right?
Everyone is sorry.
I can’t tell you when it will get easier. It doesn’t. But I can tell you this: you are doing enough.
Some people will never know the strength it can take just to open your eyes in the morning, but we do. If that is the only thing you can bring yourself to do today then please understand you have already gone above and beyond what anyone should expect of you.
You’re supposed to be having a baby today.
It isn’t fair, what’s been taken from you.
There is no limit to the amount of tears you are allowed to shed today. Do not feel like you have to carry on as if it is just another day. We both know the fact that you are even still breathing beneath the weight of what today was supposed to hold is in itself a miracle.
Time has continued to press forward. You can feel each day dragging you further and further away from that day, the last day you held them.
You’re moving past the days of pressing your hand to your belly absentmindedly, the harsh pain of thinking I should still be pregnant.
You’ll receive an advertisement in the mail: Congratulations on your new baby! A promotion you forgot you had even signed up for.
Days turn into weeks which bleed into months. You could have a 3 month old at this point. You’ll piece together that reality, what it would look like to still have them here. All the while you are acutely aware of the distance between that reality and our own.
For this reason the pain of miscarriage extends far beyond the loss of a pregnancy. The small moments, the firsts and lasts that when added together create a lifetime, they are not able to be seen or heard, but even so they are felt.
Within our hearts we experience their future. Our souls hold onto memories of their first words, favorite foods, bedtime routines. Some who could never know better may ask how can we be so certain. The answer to that is simple, they are our children.
To the grieving mother on her baby’s due date, know this: Today is not the end of their story. It carries on, fueled by your love for them. Like your love, it will never die.