The moment I saw those two lines for the very first time. It hit me. Love. Waves of love. I would have died for my child then and there. I didn’t need to meet them. I didn’t need to know who they would be or what they would accomplish. That was my baby, my child. The one we had dreamed about, prayed for. It isn’t the same moment for everyone, but for us, it was immediate.
You’ve got a plan. Color-coded, times planned out. If his swimmer and your egg don’t hit it off, it will be through no fault of yours.
Today is one month since Button was born. Mr. Man is the only person who’s noticed. For everyone else, life has carried on. His death was just a blip, a bump in the road. February is a new month! There are other things to be excited about. Be happy. I tried, really, I did. I failed. Yesterday I took a pregnancy test. There was a smudge of a line. I’m now pretty sure it was a dye run. We bought[Read more]
People can say a lot of stupid things, especially when they’re uncomfortable. Fertility struggles, grief, real life makes people uncomfortable, I get it. Here’s some common “I don’t know what to do with my hands” word vomit that you should really avoid saying. This post is marinated in some very pungent snark, so mind your toes. “You’ll get pregnant again.” And? My child died. There is no replacement. I hope and pray every single day we will get our rainbow, but[Read more]
Something hit me yesterday. Okay, two things hit me. One was a cat falling on my face at 5 in the morning. He apparently thought he could fit on our headboard, or he might just be a jerk. I’m pretty sure he’s just a jerk. But let’s talk about that other thing. The one that managed to catch me more by surprise than Mr. Thinks-he’s-still-tiny Elliot: anger. Not just damn cat falling on my face at 5 in the morning but real, deep,[Read more]
You realize you might be here for a while. You don’t want to be here. This isn’t supposed to be a home. This wasn’t what you had planned.
I was so excited. If it makes any sense, I was proud. This was my baby, and he was so beautiful. He was real.
One of my first “big kid” DIYs! Enjoy!
“Here’s your positive pregnancy test, and here’s your drawing for an early miscarriage, 1 in 5’s a winner! Come back and downgrade in 4 weeks when you see a heartbeat. We’ll be here until 24 weeks!”