The Five Stages of Grief: Your Period
CD 1 Denial. Maybe that was implantation bleeding? Some people won’t get a positive until 20 DPO. Cramps? Round ligament pain. You’re definitely pregnant. There’s no way you can’t be.
CD 2 Anger. The idea of 31 more days of this makes you want to scream.
CD 3 Bargaining. You swear you’ll stop wishing hangnails on pregnant women. You’ll completely cut out caffeine. You’ll wait until you’re late to take a test. Anything.
CD 4 Depression. This is never going to work. Why even keep trying? You just want to give up.
CD 5 Acceptance. Your period’s ended or it almost has. A new month, a new opportunity. This is your month.
Operation: Fertile Week
You’ve got a plan. Color-coded, times planned out. If his swimmer and your egg don’t hit it off, it will be through no fault of yours. When you finally get that positive OPK, it feels like a victory. You probably look a lot like this:
Inevitably, your husband will develop a cold during this point. He will be really tired. He will be busy. Resist the urge to strangle him. Look into artificial insemination. Delete your browser history. Pull out the big guns. Start dropping “hints”, aka, bring up doing the baby dance in every conversation.
The Two Week Wait
Welp, that’s all for this month. The ball is now out of your court. It’s like waiting for something you ordered online, except there’s nobody to sue if it never shows up. You’ve definitely got symptoms. That morning sickness is totally not because you haven’t eaten today. Completely ignore the symptoms you so carefully charted last month, because they are exactly the same as this time. Remember you said you wouldn’t test until you’re late. Start testing at 3 DPO anyways.
This is simultaneously the best and the worst part of the process. Only days until you may get the best news of your life. Pregnant until proven otherwise. President Snow said it best: